I just cut my nipple shaving
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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