I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
