I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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