You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
two words...techno handjob
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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