Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
