NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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