is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
