Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize