Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
