i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
