somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
