I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
