it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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