I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
