gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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