my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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