I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
