i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize