come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
