then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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