Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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