Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
