Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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