well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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