You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
