He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
