Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize