ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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