she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As shirtless as possible
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
