It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
