He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
