He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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