wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
