Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
