Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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