I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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