i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize