I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
