I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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