I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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