I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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