hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MIDGETS
????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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