everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
