this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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