this beer tastes like vomit already
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
