there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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