Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
