im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
