It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize