Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
