she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize