i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
