why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
