You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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