i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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