If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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