Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize