on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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