I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
