Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
