god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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