they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
