do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
