I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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