Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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