Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no you cant smoke seaweed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
