FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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