honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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