How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
