It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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