Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
