your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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