Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like eating out sand paper
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
