Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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