he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
