what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
