I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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