People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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