yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
