So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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