Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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