come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
