Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
