Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
