pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
