That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
