I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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