afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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