It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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