im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
