is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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