Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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