haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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