remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
