I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
