I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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