Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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