Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
