I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize