My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
