on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
