she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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