He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
