bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
