apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
