It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
