I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
