I heard we made out
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
