yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize