I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize