I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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