You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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